stories my friends tell me about their childhood

my neighbour's screen door is singing to me
"hello" "someone's near; keep yr secrets
low to the ground"
but instead i put my glass down

once, when i was 6 i let a balloon go

attached was a secret and my address

we never thought they'd really come back
and they didn't; instead a letter a sympathy
delivered the humiliation, " accidents happen. i
was afraid of the dark too."

the acknowledgment-- too much to suffer

i never told another secret

Um and yeah

There was talk of excitement or surprise
But let's be more clear.
Let's name everything it couldn't be or everything I wasn't:

A waterfall
A tournaquet
The life of or instead of

Or time didn't stand still

There was a street light
Music was playing
Hearts were (of course) beating

And still
(name it)

Not enough

WE HAVE YET TO DETERMINE

AVAILABILITY

IN THE IDEA OF SOLITUDE
time doesn't shirk the wanderlust
we notice so briefly

the xx is playing and your hands are soft

the phone is ringing (as the glass is up to your mouth
we were almost tender)

we were almost tinder
your mouth is on fire

and i am a faggot


-------------------------------------------

i let go (first)

The year's not over

In the airport I think of genet.
The immediacy of solitude & the helpfulness of smiling.
I barely took a picture this entire trip but

lots of ideas
for a new chapbook/ art work

the morning soft and hot
wrapped hands


the tree outside my window finally shed her leaves
and now i can see a distance (or was it darkness)


from my window
a lack a predictability

bones to glass bill says bones to glass


ben's on the phone says he can't do it alone anymore
needs a hand

tell me what it's like to be a man
alejandro says today

ale tell me what it's like to be 7

dear world
tell me what it's like to be alive and i'll tell you what it's like to fake it fine

watching jericho in bed; i wouldn't julie d. you

time passes
i know mostly b/c hair grows...
the sun sets and hands that once moaned
and yearned to be naked/ free from mittens/ are
and find bicycle handles, balloons, hands

and that was all i really wanted
it wasn't the samurai face, the toss of glasses into the night, or
the syncopation of sighs

and that was what i couldn't say earlier, that nothing really changed
suns set hair grows hands are just hands

and i have two

we will keep the porch light on

outside the fortress of solitude
oh the snow
riding home in it/ tongue out the way the ground lay
so still


i am trying to find new ways to keep my hands busy;

i pull the covers up to the pillows of my bed/
i tuck the chair under the lip of the desk/
i let time continue ticking

embroider molecules/ turn the music up
ride the tide out to see and